It was never supposed to be like this.
Even in my darkest dreams I never thought this could happen.
I always knew how fragile my own mortality was - I toyed with the notion that one day I might simply be gone and nothing would hurt, or matter, any more.
But you were always the solid one.
The strong one.
You were the one who was meant to rule the world one day.
I could picture your lives without me,
But I don’t know how to live mine now that you’re gone.
I am so stressed about work that I can’t sleep.
And I’m so tired I can’t function or do my work properly.
And I’m not even sure what the point in this course is anymore, or why I’m doing it.
I just wanna drop out, go home, get a puppy and live happily ever after.
What I want most if all is someone who’ll hold me in the nights when I miss him more than I can explain.
When I can’t do anything but cry.
I want someone who will stay with me when I realise, yet again, that he is never coming home.
I made a sliiiight change!
I will never get close enough.
Can never satisfy the longing my cold heart felt for your warmth.
Can’t help but press myself closer, closer.
Trying to melt into you.
To drown in your comfort. Your silence.
So, me and mum were discussing pigeons (as you do) and it resulted in this comical comment.
Don't you know what Pigeon fanciers do?
I honestly don't think I want to!
"Maya;" means "illusion" or "enchantment" in Sanskrit and Pāli (from ma; "not" and ya; "this")
In Hinduism, Maya is the limited, purely physical and mental reality in which our everyday consciousness has become entangled.
I love that my name means Not This!
I want them to get distracted by thoughts of me, wondering if I feel the same.
To spend time rereading our conversations.
I want cute texts, just to make me smile.
I want to be adored.
there was the cutest little kid.
He was all tiny, with glasses and he was polite and adorable.
GENUINELY made me want a child a little bit!
I would’ve done anything to make you stay.
Sometimes it feels like I am not completely real.
I feel like I only exist when other people are around.
When I’m on my own I just seem to… Stop.
And for tonight, I am happy :)
Sometimes, when the night is dark, and quiet, and I am warm in the cocoon of my bed I can’t help but be overwhelmed.
Sometimes, although everything is calm and I am coping (I am always coping, in my own way) I can’t help but wonder what is the point.
Sometimes, when the past roars in my ears and floods my mind, I can’t help but feel that it wont ever, ever get better than this.
Sometimes, when I feel I am the only one in the whole world, I can’t help but wish I wasn’t here at all.
Finished The other Boleyn Girl.
Very good to be fair, but now I don’t have anything to read :(