Im gunna use this as a space to vent as I’m pretty sure you won’t end up seeing it (although a part of me kind of hopes you do.)
We were best friends. I loved you, and you made me laugh and we were really, really similar. Coming home from Lisbon, you were one of the people I was most psyched to see.
Ad we made silly plans we always knew we’d never keep - our month long voyage to Italy is a prime example. I remember when you told me you weren’t coming out to visit me, I was so disappointed and had wanted to see you so much, I cried.
I know that I was (and am) a difficult person to be friends with, and things weren’t always a bed of roses and we had our fair share of disagreements and being annoyed with each other but I definitely thought we’d stay close for a long time. And then at the beginning of the year - around Easter time - something seemed to change. We changed. It sucked, cause I think we could both see we were growing more and more distant but couldn’t stop it. And i know i was in a pretty messed up state at the start of this year and i realise that must’ve been difficult for you to feel you had to deal with, but it seemed as if You were constantly angry with me for being unable to be happy. As if you thought I simply wasn’t trying.
It felt as if you withdrew from everyone you were close to and I didn’t know how to break through that, or how to get the old you back.
You were the first person outside of my family to give me a proper nickname. One of the only people I felt properly comfortable around and could discuss anything and everything with, and snuggle in a completely platonic (despite what everyone thought!) way. Heck, you even made me go to the gym.
For a while I was angry, and Hurt and a little bitter. It felt like you’d given up on me and simply decided I wasn’t worth the hassle ( tbh I wouldn’t have blamed you of that was the case - I’d’ve just appreciated being informed!)
But now I’m not angry any more.
Now I just miss you, and am sad that it seems like we can’t go back to how we were. Most of all, though, I am glad we were such good friends, even of it didn’t last as long as we expected.